[Project 365] Day 01: Self-portrait - My father's eyes

So starting off the 30 Day challenge, I took this picture of myself.

So one might wonder why I chose to take a picture where my face is blurred? But actually to me, this picture is representative of a self-portrait of myself. I chose to use a magnifying lens to focus on my eye making it bigger and to have that as the focus of my portrait.


Ever since I was a kid, I've hated my eyes.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel that way until I became immersed in a more Asian environment. When I was younger and was the only Asian kid around, I was occasionally teased with the tugged of the eyelids in an upwards direction. Silly me, I thought it was a game until one day I came home doing it and my father was less than pleased.

But it was being amongst Asians when I really started to hate my eyes. Because they were small. Because when a non-Asian person makes fun of Asian eyes, that's considered racist. But when an Asian person makes fun that someone's eyes are small, there's not quite the same standards against that.

For the longest time, I would get remarks about my little eyes. Because they are small, smaller than most people around me, and I don't have the holier-than-thou double eyelids that is so craved by the mainstream Asia. And I would joke along with it about my eyes, yes haha, I have widescreen vision. Even my relatives teased that my eyes were small like my father's.

I hated it.

And then I was going to college. And my parents asked me THE question - did I want to get double eyelid surgery? Since I was starting in a new place, no one would know.

I thought about it, I really did. I have nothing against plastic surgery or people who choose to do it. After all, women wear makeup, there's a lot of things doing to enhance one's appearance. But I wasn't sure if it was for me.

And then one day in college I realized - my eye's are like my father's. My father who has always supported me. And while people come and go, and life is not forever, these are the eyes that would be mine. The ones that my father gave me. The ones that I can pass on to my children.

That was the day I stopped thinking of my eyes as a curse, but more as a gift from my dad. And yeah I still am not quite fond of my eyes. And people still make fun of me for having small eyes, or no eyes. And yeah I hate it a lot.

But I am waiting for the day when I have enough confidence in myself to not give a shit and be proud. For when I can say, yeah, I have little eyes, widescreen vision. But there's nothing wrong with that.

So for my fellow little eyes out there - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with makeup, getting surgery, eyelid tape, eyelid glue, and whatnot. But if you choose to do it, do it for yourself. Not for other people. And love yourself nonetheless.

This is my self-portrait.